I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
