is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
