turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
