why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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