He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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