Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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