Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
