I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
