every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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