so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
