grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
