A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
