is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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