I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
