Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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