Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
