All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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