I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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