to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
