The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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