come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
