i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
