Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
