how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
