Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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