sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
