you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
