Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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