Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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