so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
