i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
