i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
