everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
