If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
