You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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