Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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