I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Blood and glitter go together right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
