So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
