I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
