so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
