I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
even my farts smell like vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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