I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
