Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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