didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
