my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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