So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
