I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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