you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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