tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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