I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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